Eating clean is hard

Born in an Asian family that all meals are in High sodium , High calories and strict family , is just hard to eat clean .
1. My parents wants me to eat everything
2. High Sodium, High sugar ,Oily diet
3. I don't get to buy groceries
4. A lot of recipes are not meant in Asia, it's really hard to find them
5. I love food especially pastries and chocolate
6. I have a bad habbit of binging


Instead of complaining I should list out why I should start eating clean
1. I want to lose weight
2. I want to be healthier
3. I want to feel good not just from the outside but from the inside too
4. I want my family to be healthy as well
5. I don't want to stress my body too much
6. I just want to be special :)
7. I love fruits, they are my best friends
8. I want to make the right decisions in my diet
9. Don't want to feel insecure
10. Don't want to regret for what I've eaten
11. Feel good for my own body

The main reason for me to eat clean is to lose weight, but I want to be in my natural weight ,I'm tired of those crazy crash diet, cause I'm those kind of people that can't stick with diets , so I end up binging AGAIN.

So I'll try to add up some work out now , but I hate exercising . is super hard I hate that feeling.I don't know maybe I'll like it someday.

And the main reason I'm losing weight is for my ballet exam. Well, it will be pretty cool to be the fat one who dance for Advanced 1 level BTW.

Now I'm 70kg and I'm 163 cm FYI, my goal weight is 50kg. Really hope I get the chance to shine in ballet*cross fingers*

Yesterday night I end up crying alone because I am really insecure about my body , I don't know why but I can feel that God just tell me not to worry about my weight, He will fix it for me. Thank you lord, you are the best .