Do you ever feel that you are so into someone, that you kept thinking and caring for him and you just can't stop thinking of him? I'm always missing him, always trying to talk to him. Somehow he ended up calling me clingy.
My hearts sinks a little when he says that. Am I too clingy? I ask myself, I don't want to be that annoying girlfriend, I don't want people to feel annoyed of me. When I start dating him, my EQ drops and I start showing all these little bad habbit, being insecure, being angry on little things, being impatient. I don't like this part of me.
Friday, April 26, 2019
Coming back in 2019 as a 22 yr old Carol
Tonight, I am living 22nd yr of my life and there are a lot of changes compare to the 18 yr old girl I was before. I am doing art right now, in the arts industry, going to take my top up one year Bachelor's in Arts Management in NAFA, Singapore. Nope, I did not take a law degree, but would like to if I was given a chance.
I realised that how hard it is to be an adult. How selfish it is to be yourself and let others go through the consequences of you being yourself. I was being upset at my mom for comparing herself to me because my dad was treating me better. Until I complained to my brother about it and my brother asked:
"but didn't you realised that mom is the most pitiful among four of us?"
That really struck me. I was reminded her sacrifices she made for me and Jack, for a better education. I was reminded that she had to be patient over my father's ego. I was reminded that she kept quite although she was misunderstood. I was reminded that she loves me. I was reminded that she hasn't been getting enough love. I was reminded that she may be tired of giving love and getting any return from it.
I realised that how hard it is to be an adult. How selfish it is to be yourself and let others go through the consequences of you being yourself. I was being upset at my mom for comparing herself to me because my dad was treating me better. Until I complained to my brother about it and my brother asked:
"but didn't you realised that mom is the most pitiful among four of us?"
That really struck me. I was reminded her sacrifices she made for me and Jack, for a better education. I was reminded that she had to be patient over my father's ego. I was reminded that she kept quite although she was misunderstood. I was reminded that she loves me. I was reminded that she hasn't been getting enough love. I was reminded that she may be tired of giving love and getting any return from it.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Working hard on Grit
I went back to ballet classes this year ,also I planned to have my Advanced 1 exam this year.
Personally, I want to make this year's exam become the year that I get the most results which is a 90 for Distinction. That's my goal.
I want to become a professional ballerina if possible so I really need to work hard on every part of my life , no matter physically or mentally.
Let me admit. I am currently overweight and I can't even do a split. So to achieve this impossible dream of mine , I have to be grit enough to achieve this dream . My teacher helped me to set goals for me BTW. She said that I have to lose 25kg within four months. OK, challenge accepted.
I set myself a goal that by this month (Jan) I have to do the spilts and scorpio, so I practice every night. I stretch myself to my limit and hold for 10 seconds(fast ones). Hope I am able to success.
During the weekdays without ballet classes , I'll do some cardio dance for an hour , and then stretch myself . I'll go for jogging during the weekends and then I'll do my stretching again.
Hope I really am able to lose weight and build my core and tighs muscle and become a qualified Ballerina. I want to have this grit to achieve my goals and dreams. I knew God will be helping me through my journey becoming a good ballerina .
BTW, I also love dancing. Not just ballet , but any dance. Traditional dance, Hip Hop, Break dance,
K-pop dance etc etc... so make sure all you dancers out there work hard in your dancing dream so that one day, I can meet you guys on the stage :)
Personally, I want to make this year's exam become the year that I get the most results which is a 90 for Distinction. That's my goal.
I want to become a professional ballerina if possible so I really need to work hard on every part of my life , no matter physically or mentally.
Let me admit. I am currently overweight and I can't even do a split. So to achieve this impossible dream of mine , I have to be grit enough to achieve this dream . My teacher helped me to set goals for me BTW. She said that I have to lose 25kg within four months. OK, challenge accepted.
I set myself a goal that by this month (Jan) I have to do the spilts and scorpio, so I practice every night. I stretch myself to my limit and hold for 10 seconds(fast ones). Hope I am able to success.
During the weekdays without ballet classes , I'll do some cardio dance for an hour , and then stretch myself . I'll go for jogging during the weekends and then I'll do my stretching again.
Hope I really am able to lose weight and build my core and tighs muscle and become a qualified Ballerina. I want to have this grit to achieve my goals and dreams. I knew God will be helping me through my journey becoming a good ballerina .
BTW, I also love dancing. Not just ballet , but any dance. Traditional dance, Hip Hop, Break dance,
K-pop dance etc etc... so make sure all you dancers out there work hard in your dancing dream so that one day, I can meet you guys on the stage :)
Have to be grateful
I want to study overseas. But due to my family's income , I can't.
I wish to study overseas because I want to have a new start and I also want to learn to be independent.
Studying overseas needs a lot of money and that's the problem , I can apply for scholarship of course, but my results doesn't allow. Now I only feel regret that I didn't study properly while I was in High School.
But , the fact it is. I can't change the fact that my family to a rich one, I also can't change the fact that my High school results to a high one. I have to say , I do feel a little down that I can't go overseas to do my college years but I know that God has a plan for that.
I know that my parents do also want to send me overseas , but they just can't afford the high tuition fees and living costs. They love me, and I know that. They want me to be successful and I know that too. I have the best parents in the world .They've given me everything they had.
Although I can't have my college years in overseas, but I do have the chance to go there still. I still have a degree and my master to go. So I aimed to do well in my A level so that I can get scholarship to get to overseas. The disappointment of not going overseas will turn to my motivation to study hard for my A levels!
I have to thank you for my parents for willing to spent time with me to go to the Education fair and willing to help me to get information in the fair. Thank you for recommending the colleges for me so that I will not be confused in the fair . Thank you for willing to pay the fees without complaining and hesitating. Thank you for sacrifice so much for me . Thank God for all the things He had provided for me.
I wish to study overseas because I want to have a new start and I also want to learn to be independent.
Studying overseas needs a lot of money and that's the problem , I can apply for scholarship of course, but my results doesn't allow. Now I only feel regret that I didn't study properly while I was in High School.
But , the fact it is. I can't change the fact that my family to a rich one, I also can't change the fact that my High school results to a high one. I have to say , I do feel a little down that I can't go overseas to do my college years but I know that God has a plan for that.
I know that my parents do also want to send me overseas , but they just can't afford the high tuition fees and living costs. They love me, and I know that. They want me to be successful and I know that too. I have the best parents in the world .They've given me everything they had.
Although I can't have my college years in overseas, but I do have the chance to go there still. I still have a degree and my master to go. So I aimed to do well in my A level so that I can get scholarship to get to overseas. The disappointment of not going overseas will turn to my motivation to study hard for my A levels!
I have to thank you for my parents for willing to spent time with me to go to the Education fair and willing to help me to get information in the fair. Thank you for recommending the colleges for me so that I will not be confused in the fair . Thank you for willing to pay the fees without complaining and hesitating. Thank you for sacrifice so much for me . Thank God for all the things He had provided for me.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Eating clean is hard
Born in an Asian family that all meals are in High sodium , High calories and strict family , is just hard to eat clean .
1. My parents wants me to eat everything
2. High Sodium, High sugar ,Oily diet
3. I don't get to buy groceries
4. A lot of recipes are not meant in Asia, it's really hard to find them
5. I love food especially pastries and chocolate
6. I have a bad habbit of binging
Instead of complaining I should list out why I should start eating clean
1. I want to lose weight
2. I want to be healthier
3. I want to feel good not just from the outside but from the inside too
4. I want my family to be healthy as well
5. I don't want to stress my body too much
6. I just want to be special :)
7. I love fruits, they are my best friends
8. I want to make the right decisions in my diet
9. Don't want to feel insecure
10. Don't want to regret for what I've eaten
11. Feel good for my own body
The main reason for me to eat clean is to lose weight, but I want to be in my natural weight ,I'm tired of those crazy crash diet, cause I'm those kind of people that can't stick with diets , so I end up binging AGAIN.
So I'll try to add up some work out now , but I hate exercising . is super hard I hate that feeling.I don't know maybe I'll like it someday.
And the main reason I'm losing weight is for my ballet exam. Well, it will be pretty cool to be the fat one who dance for Advanced 1 level BTW.
Now I'm 70kg and I'm 163 cm FYI, my goal weight is 50kg. Really hope I get the chance to shine in ballet*cross fingers*
Yesterday night I end up crying alone because I am really insecure about my body , I don't know why but I can feel that God just tell me not to worry about my weight, He will fix it for me. Thank you lord, you are the best .
1. My parents wants me to eat everything
2. High Sodium, High sugar ,Oily diet
3. I don't get to buy groceries
4. A lot of recipes are not meant in Asia, it's really hard to find them
5. I love food especially pastries and chocolate
6. I have a bad habbit of binging
Instead of complaining I should list out why I should start eating clean
1. I want to lose weight
2. I want to be healthier
3. I want to feel good not just from the outside but from the inside too
4. I want my family to be healthy as well
5. I don't want to stress my body too much
6. I just want to be special :)
7. I love fruits, they are my best friends
8. I want to make the right decisions in my diet
9. Don't want to feel insecure
10. Don't want to regret for what I've eaten
11. Feel good for my own body
The main reason for me to eat clean is to lose weight, but I want to be in my natural weight ,I'm tired of those crazy crash diet, cause I'm those kind of people that can't stick with diets , so I end up binging AGAIN.
So I'll try to add up some work out now , but I hate exercising . is super hard I hate that feeling.I don't know maybe I'll like it someday.
And the main reason I'm losing weight is for my ballet exam. Well, it will be pretty cool to be the fat one who dance for Advanced 1 level BTW.
Now I'm 70kg and I'm 163 cm FYI, my goal weight is 50kg. Really hope I get the chance to shine in ballet*cross fingers*
Yesterday night I end up crying alone because I am really insecure about my body , I don't know why but I can feel that God just tell me not to worry about my weight, He will fix it for me. Thank you lord, you are the best .
Standing out
I would like to say that I can't make decisions properly ,is like everything at once , it's just so hard to stand firm at your own perspective and stand out for it.
This is something I went through recently, and I haven't get to solve it yet. So I want to be a Lawyer that professions in Criminal Law. One day, I was chatting with my Aunt about further studies and I said that I want to be a as u know , A Criminal Law Lawyer.
She kept quite for a bit and then ask me:
"If you were thinking about this , you have to know that you were helping the criminals !"
I was so shocked, why can't I noticed about that?
I went back home and asked mom about that , then she said:
"It's not like that, you were helping them, for giving them a second chance!"
So I told my aunt what my mom said. All she said was:
"Well then, what if that person is really a bad guy ? And you were helping a bad guy?"
I can't answer her question,so I went back and ask my mom again,then she said:
"There's always a reason for a person to be a bad guy, from there, you need to help them out"
And now, I was so confused. I realised that I can't stand out for my own perspective , and I am very disappointed for myself. Next time, I am gonna try my best to stand out for my own perspective since I want to be lawyer,I have to train myself for that!
I believe that after I became a professional criminal law lawyer, I look at things in different perspective. And I look forward to that :) This is going to be really fun!
This is something I went through recently, and I haven't get to solve it yet. So I want to be a Lawyer that professions in Criminal Law. One day, I was chatting with my Aunt about further studies and I said that I want to be a as u know , A Criminal Law Lawyer.
She kept quite for a bit and then ask me:
"If you were thinking about this , you have to know that you were helping the criminals !"
I was so shocked, why can't I noticed about that?
I went back home and asked mom about that , then she said:
"It's not like that, you were helping them, for giving them a second chance!"
So I told my aunt what my mom said. All she said was:
"Well then, what if that person is really a bad guy ? And you were helping a bad guy?"
I can't answer her question,so I went back and ask my mom again,then she said:
"There's always a reason for a person to be a bad guy, from there, you need to help them out"
And now, I was so confused. I realised that I can't stand out for my own perspective , and I am very disappointed for myself. Next time, I am gonna try my best to stand out for my own perspective since I want to be lawyer,I have to train myself for that!
I believe that after I became a professional criminal law lawyer, I look at things in different perspective. And I look forward to that :) This is going to be really fun!
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